Chapter 2: Transition

Yes, like transition this part was a little intense (ok, painful?). In December of 2006 I found out that I was pregnant. I was shocked. I had been exclusively breastfeeding and my baby was just around 9 mos. old. I had not gotten a cycle either. I knew it could happen, but thought it was very unlikely.

I believe every baby is a blessing so in spite not ever wanting to be pregnant again I was over joyed. And I realized at that point that my childish claim to never be pregnant again was just a way of saying that I never wanted to go through another terrible labor and delivery, let alone another c-section.

I knew when I had gotten pregnant. I knew when about I was due. And I knew I was pregnant. But again I went into my dr. and had it confirmed. At that first appointment he brought up the risks of being pregnant with the type of incision I had and mentioned how much more risky it would be at the end. He said that I obviously wouldn't be having a vbac because I had been cut classically. He said some people do have vbacs after 2 c-sections, but the risks with a classical incision are too great. He misquoted that 9% of babies die with vbac attempts on classicial incisions.

He said we would be scheduling the surgery at the next visit. Stunned I sat in silence trying to take in the weight of that moment. I would actually know my baby's date of delivery months in advance. At the time that actually sounded o.k. What I didn't want was a repeat of my last vbac attempt and even his mention of vbac brought me to explain how I never wanted that to happen again. I was terrified of all my options.

When we arrived home I immediately began to research elective cesareans. I didn't find much but what I did find helped me to keep looking. I also started making a c-section birth plan including anything I could think of to make the surgery better for bonding with me and my baby. During my research I came across the group "ICAN" the International Cesarean Awareness Network. They do Cesarean education. I had a hard time finding any real info on elective c-section so when I found this group I emailed one of the ICAN leaders in my area with my questions. I told her my back ground and current situation and what my plans were. She emailed me back saying "how do you know that you had a Classic incision?" My thoughts upon reading her response were "what the (insert expletive)!!!"what does she mean how do I know??" "My doctors told me I did, that's how I know!!!" So I emailed her back saying just that "My doctors told me I had a classical incision" She replied again saying "get your records and read them for yourself"

O.K. a lot of good that's going to do, right? So I sent away for them (somewhat spitefully) and meanwhile had another appt. with my regular dr. He told us at that appt. that he was going to be leaving our hospital to go to one closer to his home. The commute was taking a toll on him and he had hoped to move closer, but it just hadn't worked out due to his wife's job. So he was leaving. As if the pregnancy hormones weren't causing enough trouble, now I had to find a new doctor!

We arrived home from that appt. and my records had arrived from my c-section with my second daughter. I read through them trying to decipher the medical lingo and the only words that really made sense were the ones detailing my incision. Where I expected to read incision was made longitudinally, or classically, It instead said "incision was made in a low transverse fashion"

Huh? That means that I had the bikini cut, in the same place as my first. Now I was even more confused. Why had the dr.s, my dr. specifically, told me I was cut classically? It doesn't make sense! Apparently when they realized that I hadn't had a uterine rupture with my vbac attempt(or anything even close to one) the surgeon was able to do the low cut, the safest for future pregnancies.

So, at that point my anxiety about the complications of classic incisions is resolved, but I still don't know what to think about all of this! So I emailed the ICAN lady again. After all, she happened to be the only person who was upfront and honest with me about the situation. I just wanted to know why people had told me I was cut different than I was.

I awaited her reply. At this point I was about 3 months along and still didn't have a new doctor. I continued seeing my regular dr. as he wasn't leaving until July (about a month before I was due). until I could find a new o.b. Then I received a reply back from the ICAN lady loaded with research about vbac. She made certain to point out that the most current and comprehensive research, done by one of the top O.Bs. in the country shows that vbac after 2 cesareans (vba2c) is comparably safe as after 1 cesarean and barring any true complications such as cord prolapse or true pre-eclampsia among the few, there is no reason I shouldn't be able to have a vbac this time around.

OK, but I didn't want a repeat of last time. I didn't want to be knocked out for the delivery. I wanted to see my baby born. All these things running through my mind, but the safety of my baby was my top priority. I knew that whatever my decision was it would be with my and my baby's safety as the #1 concern.

So I did my own research. I wasn't about to take the word of my dr. anymore, and though I hold no hard feelings toward him, I didn't ever go back to his office. I stopped going before he left and after several failed attempts I found an O.B. who was supportive of my vba2c.

And I certainly wasn't going to take the word of some random internet lady. I read everything. The risks of both and what to do to make the vbac successful.

The thing that really weighed on my mind was that the c-section seemed controlled and the easy way. The research really didn't support that thought, so I started reading more on vbac.

I didn't do this at all the first time. I just went into it blindly (I thought I was educated because I knew the rupture rates--HA, in retrospect I know that's not education!!) and ended up with a c-section as a result. I learned from all my reading that there are things to do to make a vaginal birth more likely to be successful and I hadn't done ANY of those things with my first two pregnancies. I was induced with both (technically augmented with #2 as I was in early labor when they gave me the pitocin). I was on my back in bed pushing with both. I went to the hospital WAY to early in labor. I thought I was broken and that my body wouldn't work, that it needed help to work. Each those things significantly increase the liklihood of c-section according to medical studies.

I became determined to do it right this time and I knew that in the end I had to put my trust in God. If something was supposed to happen then it would no matter if I had the c-section or a vaginal birth. But at the same time I wasn't going to enter into this with my eyes closed. God gave me a brain to make decisions with!

So I read everything on natural birth and what interventions to avoid. I learned that induction increased the chance of c-section and other complications. I learned that there was NO need for an induction or pitocin in any labor unless there was a serious medical reason. The reason I was induced for my first was because she was "big" and I was past my due date I read about those things, and learned that neither are a good reason for induction. I also learned that the ultrasound they used to determine size can be off as much as 2 pounds!! And that labors that start on their own even with large babies end in a better result than labors that are induced, statistically. And statistically they end better than c-section.

I learned a lot. I knew that if I had a c-section It would be for a real reason. Not just because. And If it were for a real reason I was fine with that. I was NOT however fine with having one just because.

I had to find a new Dr. and let me tell you, it wasn't easy. Most of them just say no in spite of the research. Most of them don't know the research. Others actually fabricated statistics and research--when I asked them if I could see where they were getting their statistics from they were left speechless or fumbling their words. Or they gave me some line about how they were the dr. and I should just trust them.

Eventually I found several who would take me as a patient, and several who were willing to be hands off and let birth be what it was intended to be--no interventions, no pressure, and no scare tactics. The fact is, they were the only ones practicing evidence based medicine, and I wouldn't want a dr. who did anything but.

I knew several people who had good birth experiences at one of the hospitals and decided on the dr. who practiced there. I also toured the birth center and talked to several of the nurses. They said they treated a vbac mom just like any other mom. They were hands off and they didn't treat vbac moms like they were an accident waiting to happen. Fact was, the one nurse said, that in birth things happen and a first time mom is more likely to have complications than a vbac mom. wow! I was amazed!

As my due date approached I actually expected talk of big baby or induction, but during my last appt. on the Monday when I went into labor my dr. said, well, we'll see ya next week! No talk of being over due or anything!

I was so at peace and enjoying my pregnancy that I was actually prepared to go very overdue. But to my surprise, after my last appt. at 2:10 am on the 7th of August baby Sirianna Lee was born by vba2c, She weighed 8 pounds 14 ounces (only a few ounces smaller than My first daugther, whom they told me was "Too Big") and was 19 and a half inches long. 100% natural with only intermittent doppler monitoring (which they did maybe 2 or 3 times and only with my consent--continuous fetal monitoring is another intervention that isn't shown to improve outcomes of mom and baby. What CFM does however is reduces your mobility which is NOT a good thing during labor).

Labor happened so fast I didn't even realize it was real until we were on our way to the hospital! We called my mother-in-law at 12:45 and I almost regretted it...thinking, great, now labor is going to stop, just like it has every night for the last few weeks! (I had been having early, or prodromal labor for about 4 weeks so I really thought that's what this was) It wasn't painful, but I couldn't sleep. The contractions were random but I just felt different...By the time she got to our house (just after 1:00) I realized it was good that we called. the contractions were one on top of the other--30 seconds apart and the only real pattern that I ever had! Our hospital is @ an hour away and as soon as we pulled out of the drive way I realized it had quickly become the real deal!I told hubby on the way that we weren't going to make it to our hospital so he turned off to the hospital that is closer to our house, about 15 min away. That 15 minute drive was the only pain I felt the whole labor, and I had no break between contractions. We pulled in the parking lot and I ran to the door pushing. (I didn't know at the time I was pushing) I felt like I was going to 'go' in my pants so I went in the bathroom right inside the emergency room. I realized then that I was pushing. lol! The L&D nurse realized this and they started rushing around to get me in a room. hubby, who at first was 100% against vbac was so incredibly calm (after much struggle and forcing him to read the research I finally convinced him it around 4 mos. pregnant that was the best way to go) .

It was AMAZING. less than 1 hour from the time I realized it was real and my baby was born the way she was meant to be! And the best part was that in spite the fact that I was a vba2c and not at 'my' hospital no one freaked out!! I didn't have any IV or heplock, no constant monitoring, no pain meds nothing.(of course there was no time for any of this!) I even pushed the only way I felt comfortable--on my knees, hanging over the back of the bed, and no one complained. And I did not tear even though she came flying out! It was crazy and wonderful. I can't even begin to find words to tell how great this was. I was able to touch my baby's head when she was coming out--what motivation for pushing! And pushing was so wonderful! Pushing honestly did not hurt one bit-it actually felt good to push and in between pushing contractions I was able to relax and refocus. I totally pushed to my instincts with no coaching and no one yelling or counting. It was so calm and peaceful! Incredible considering that I had never even been to the hospital before for anything prenatal!

This was how birth should be. It was everything I was hoping for and what I hope for anyone to experience when they experience birth.

It does NOT have to be scary or dramatic. It does NOT have to be poked, prodded, or forced along. It CAN be beautiful, peaceful, and calm.

I learned I am not broken, but the system is. I had to fight for my vba2c and I had to think outside the box. I had to work through what I felt and what I had been through and that was difficult, even painful. I had to convince others around me to show support in spite what they had seen me go through with my first vbac attempt. I had to DO MY RESEARCH and use my own brain and rely on myself to make this happen. But I was also able to rely on some other wonderful people who became the first people to ever speak the truths of birth to me. They said it to me straight, honestly, and without fear. They spoke the truth to protect me from the pain once again. They didn't hold back because they knew I needed to hear it. They knew the only way to protect me from the pain was to help me see the truth, even if the truth hurt. Those people saved me and they know who they are.

I also learned for the first time in my life to put my full trust in God. He sustains and he brought me through the storms and into the light. He was with me through this entire journey. Guiding, guarding, and protecting. He opened my eyes to have ultimate trust in Him. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me...to Him be the glory.